Understanding problems and helping others

How humble enquiry can help build relationships and overcome problems.

If somebody approaches you with a problem they are trying to solve, our first instinct is often to help that person and offer a solution. However, by trying to provide a solution without understanding the problem, we can frequently provide poor advice or not help that person achieve what they had set out to.

For instance, your friend is planning a wedding and is worried about keeping to budget. She asks you “how much is a postage stamp?” and you reply, “first class stamps are around 76p, and I think second class stamps are 65p.” – You feel happy in the fact you have provided your friend with some helpful information and carry on with your day.

However, this information (although useful) hasn’t helped your friend overcome their problem. They want to send bespoke invitations to their guests but the price of printing the invitations and posting them is too expensive. So, how could you have approached this situation differently to better help your friend?

So, when approaching this situation again, when your friend asks, “how much is a postage stamp?”, you reply with “what is it you are trying to post?”

They reply “Invitations. I have already sourced some costs for the printing of them which leaves me around 35p per person left over for postage.”

With this additional information you recognise that purchasing a postage stamp from the post office will mean your friend will go over budget. You respond: “Usually postage is more expensive than 35p if you buy stamps directly from the postage office….”

You friend replies: “Do you reckon somewhere might give me a discounted rate if I’m sending out so many in one go?”

You respond: “I think it is definitely worth an ask to perhaps the printers who are producing the invites? It may be that they can offer postage at a cheaper price with longer turnaround times.”

They say: “Okay thanks, I will give them a call and see what they can do.”

You then have a think about another solution. “Alternatively, have you thought of sending digital invitations? I recently received an electronic birthday card from some family members who live abroad. It still felt really personal but this saved them having the post a card overseas which might have taken ages to arrive.”

Your friend replies: “I hadn’t considered doing something electronically. I assumed you would need expertise from a graphic designer or somebody more creative than myself.”

In response you add: “I think they used a website that gives you premade templates which are really easy to design yourself. I will have a look and send you some further information on how they did it.”

You friend replies: “Thanks that would be really helpful. If the postage is too expensive, I could always send the printed ones to those who are less likely to read their emails such as my mum and dad and send electronic ones to our friends.”